Avril Lavigne (2013) Review..

Posted by The Devil Burning On Wednesday, August 20, 2014 1 comments

     What began as a drunken review of a really stupid album that I thought was funny ended up turning into a horror story on how i discovered that Avril and Chad Kroeger are ..evil geniuses???


     A while back (2013) this lazy cunt birthed a love album with her doofus husband and now after 4 previous albums...

It's just the coolest thing ever man, it just like totally encapsulates the masterful lyrics in a track from the album which go "I'm like yeah whatever".

     AND If those high powered poetical lyrics are up your alley THEN tracks with titles such as "Bitchin' Summer" and "Hello Heartache" WILL INSTANTLY blow your mind.
     Then OF COURSE the duet with Avril's husband Chad Kroeger from LEGENDARY MEGA-HIT WONDER BAND Nickel-Back is sure to treat your ears and launch your senses into overdrive!

     Instead of track by track analysis which I'm sure you're frothing at the mouth and silently praying to allah to read my detailed pro opion review. I am opting instead to take a very powerful and feminist statement that really spoke to my inner hemorrhoids and estrogen levels and as coherently as possible she concisely summarized what I've learned about Avril and this album.

"Don't know how to keep my mouth shut"

BRILLIANT! SOLD! ... but you want more don't you???

     Upon listening to this album my mind wandered. I began realizing how perfect it is in order to make money. It's a summer album for dumb teenage cunts letting loose their inhibitions and really becoming an independent, careless cum bucket. That takes pride in contracting and spreading STD's and collecting child support in order to afford walmart shopping sprees and mani/pedi self indulgences because she really deserves to treat herself so that she can instagram filter the buffet food and share with equally distorted and reaffirming cows on facebook.... ohmahgawd i got 5 likes!
         I honestly can't help but wonder if Chad and Avril don't make this garbage because they give a shit about music but instead laugh all the way to the bank about how fucking dumb it is and yet it's provided such an income for them that they'll never have a normal 9-5 jerb ever again.  It surely can't be an active passion purely for the sake of music.... can it??

     Probably the most "decent"? tracks for my tastes would be "Rock n Roll" which appears to be one of the more catchy and yet balanced attempts. Which also harkens back to her debut album style of pop.

Obversely, the other track I kept is the internets most hated song/video entitled "Hello Kitty". The beginning of the song has got to be the most awkward shit I've ever heard but the "chorus"? is slightly more redeeming. Not to mention Avril squeals throughout the track and I like to hear her scream and squeal and envision a darker world where I rule all...etc.

      The album goes all over the place but in a bad way. Probably in a desperate attempt at trying to capture the vapid highschool whore that thinks she is diverse and listens to "everything". I had stop as I realized how specifically targeted the audience was and how brilliant it was. I got chills...

In all I kept a couple tracks because I am a glutton for the self inflicting sadomasochistic (c)harm of a particular style of female pop music.

But I still felt the need for the following steps in no real order:
format C:,
delete system32 followed by comprehensive government/military data wipe algorithms
rip out Harddrive
smash with sledge hammer
and finally, spend the night fully nude in a bathtub of bleach.

      Well played Avril, instead of avoiding people and things I hate I should really embrace them and exploit them for money and power.  I really wanted to only mock and hate Avril and Chad but I can't help but take notes on how to be a better evil person.

P.S. She's getting old, hurry up and release a sex tape...


Retrokaiser said...

Great article, Sk8ter Boi!

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